I don't know if its because her dad never gave her any attention or if she really likes the male perspective on life but, she likes to hang out with boys.
It seems strange to me that a girl wouldn't want to hang out with girls to learn more about who she is....a girl. It seems odd to me that a girl wouldn't want to be with people that would have more in common with her. She hangs out with her crowd of people. the same political views, the same musical tastes; the package. But she enjoys being compared to and admired by boys.
Am I a bad person that I think it matters how many times in her life has she said "I've always gotten a long with guys more than girls.", "I have more guy friends than girl friends", "...some of my best friends are gay...". I don't know if its right to consider those honest comments when I'm trying to figure everything, so im confused on my feelings.
I wonder if she feels she thinks like a boy. She seems convinced that she knows how to make a boy physically happy and mentally stabilized with flirty comments and sly remarks that can lead a person on.
If the boys wont stay becuase they love her.....they'll stay becuase they want her.
I would assume all of this would have to start early in child development.
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Monica is in the 5th grade.
Monica gets money from her parents to go to school and eat lunch, some extra to buy herself something she wants (like candy).
Mom gives monica the money, because dad's asleep, or dad's busy, or dad's out of town, or dad's at work, or dad's on the phone, or dad's watching tv, or dad's eating right now. she takes the money, she loves her mom (good lady. been there for her, her whole life), she loves her dad (he provides her to do what she feels she needs to do to survive....like that money).
Mom fuels her emotional life, and dad fuels her social life.
Monica hangs out with the girls. she notices that boys like girls.
Monica likes a boy.
Boy is name steven.
Monica likes steven.
Steven likes another girl, who's Monica's friend.
Other girl is name Debbie
I don't know how girls work here......I don't know if Monica tries to be like Debbie, because all the boys like Debbie or if Monica tries to make Debbie be like Monica, because all the boys should like Monica. Regardless I can always see why some girls will never magnetize together and others can.
Result....steven likes Debbie. Cant fight that shit. Gotta respect it. Monica loses
Monica hates losing.
Monica feels she losses with her dad, she feels she loses with her mom, she feels she loses with her siblings and monica's now feeling she's losing with her life. Monica is a desperate women.
Tears
Steven probably realizes that Monica's broken emotional state gives him some sort of control over her. Steven takes advantage because he was probably never taught limits, or proabably becuase someone did it to him before.
Steven leaves when he realizes he could blow his chances on staying with Debbie.
Broken emotional state Monica finds Anthony, from hanging out with the boys.
because.....Steven hangs out with the boys
Anthony likes Monica, Monica likes Steven......still.....
The tables are turning.
Who notices? No one, it's hard sometimes....people are too scared to give too much information away about their relationship status because they feel they could be wrong or feel like their loosing.
Anthony hates loosing
Anthony hates loosing for tons of completely different reasons or completely similar.
Monica probably realizes that Anthony's broken emotional state gives her some sort of control over him. Monica takes advantage because she was probably never taught limits, or probably becuase someone did it to her before.
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Is this how it all works out? If so, coming to terms with these words won't feel too good. But it's good to take a nice gulp of reality every so often.
Drinking bitter liquids keeps you from feeling bitter...
Tomorrow I'll think about this and have a completely different perspective on the whole situation. But at least for today, I can stop hurting myself.
