Turning the cheek is one thing

but what if it was Jesus who slapped you?

That would probably suck more because of that

whistling noise you'd hear before you get fucking smacked.

that's like sooooooo much worse......fuck....

...I wouldn't turn that fucking other cheek, son....

fuuuuuck no.

sorry....I'm human....fuck it, I don't care I'm human!.....

That's probably why I have no Jesus.....so when I do get slapped

from someone I looked up to and completely left myself

vulnerable for, it wouldn't be a whistling slap that would completely

break my heart.

Gotta be smart......I know I can only wish for it and work for it.

Jesus called himself God......and none of us are Gods.......we're human..

slow down

She gets me so upset

She makes me feel like she's not listening

Instantly I get upset

...and she apologizes

I need to slow down

I feel it's wroth the Compromise.

If all I did was talk to her like I was "setting her straight" or "making her understand" there wouldn't be much for an equal and understanding communicative relationship.

Sometimes she needs to slow down

I get it

It doesn't make anymore sense if it's yelled at me.

I'm listening!...

...you just need to slow down..

she likes to hang out with boys....

I don't know if its because her dad never gave her any attention or if she really likes the male perspective on life but, she likes to hang out with boys.

It seems strange to me that a girl wouldn't want to hang out with girls to learn more about who she is....a girl. It seems odd to me that a girl wouldn't want to be with people that would have more in common with her. She hangs out with her crowd of people. the same political views, the same musical tastes; the package. But she enjoys being compared to and admired by boys.

Am I a bad person that I think it matters how many times in her life has she said "I've always gotten a long with guys more than girls.", "I have more guy friends than girl friends", "...some of my best friends are gay...". I don't know if its right to consider those honest comments when I'm trying to figure everything, so im confused on my feelings.

I wonder if she feels she thinks like a boy. She seems convinced that she knows how to make a boy physically happy and mentally stabilized with flirty comments and sly remarks that can lead a person on.

If the boys wont stay becuase they love her.....they'll stay becuase they want her.

I would assume all of this would have to start early in child development.

/////

Monica is in the 5th grade.

Monica gets money from her parents to go to school and eat lunch, some extra to buy herself something she wants (like candy).

Mom gives monica the money, because dad's asleep, or dad's busy, or dad's out of town, or dad's at work, or dad's on the phone, or dad's watching tv, or dad's eating right now. she takes the money, she loves her mom (good lady. been there for her, her whole life), she loves her dad (he provides her to do what she feels she needs to do to survive....like that money).

Mom fuels her emotional life, and dad fuels her social life.

Monica hangs out with the girls. she notices that boys like girls.

Monica likes a boy.

Boy is name steven.

Monica likes steven.

Steven likes another girl, who's Monica's friend.

Other girl is name Debbie

I don't know how girls work here......I don't know if Monica tries to be like Debbie, because all the boys like Debbie or if Monica tries to make Debbie be like Monica, because all the boys should like Monica. Regardless I can always see why some girls will never magnetize together and others can.

Result....steven likes Debbie. Cant fight that shit. Gotta respect it. Monica loses

Monica hates losing.

Monica feels she losses with her dad, she feels she loses with her mom, she feels she loses with her siblings and monica's now feeling she's losing with her life. Monica is a desperate women.

Tears

Steven probably realizes that Monica's broken emotional state gives him some sort of control over her. Steven takes advantage because he was probably never taught limits, or proabably becuase someone did it to him before.

Steven leaves when he realizes he could blow his chances on staying with Debbie.

Broken emotional state Monica finds Anthony, from hanging out with the boys.

because.....Steven hangs out with the boys

Anthony likes Monica, Monica likes Steven......still.....

The tables are turning.

Who notices? No one, it's hard sometimes....people are too scared to give too much information away about their relationship status because they feel they could be wrong or feel like their loosing.

Anthony hates loosing

Anthony hates loosing for tons of completely different reasons or completely similar.

Monica probably realizes that Anthony's broken emotional state gives her some sort of control over him. Monica takes advantage because she was probably never taught limits, or probably becuase someone did it to her before.

///

Is this how it all works out? If so, coming to terms with these words won't feel too good. But it's good to take a nice gulp of reality every so often.

Drinking bitter liquids keeps you from feeling bitter...

Tomorrow I'll think about this and have a completely different perspective on the whole situation. But at least for today, I can stop hurting myself.

the funny thing is.....

you know when someone tells you something that they're telling you is the truth.

but you feel like you cant believe them, no matter what.

if you sit back and think about it for a sec, you have to understand that, you cant really quantify what the truth is. so its not a matter of true or false its a matter of trust.

so technically it wouldn't have mattered if they said anything at all.

because you didn't trust that person in the first place.

so what's the point of making an issue of wether the person is truthful or not?

if thats something you could foresee before getting into such an illogical trivial argument, i would suggest doing so.

you would think a person with that kind of intelligence could understand the bigger picture.

sometimes it feels better to have your emotions behind the wheel regardless of the driving history it has.

but the bottom line is all about what's important.....having the last word.

genius.